How to Help Those We Love

The impulse to help floats logically free of any actual ability to do so. Two people can long to be supportive and generous to one another and yet lack all the skills to deliver on their good intentions.

We cause ourselves trouble because we are too slow to recognize an odd, largely unmentioned phenomenon: how varied and particular our notions of help can be.

We take our own preferred style of being soothed as the natural starting point for how to soothe others – but when we are wrong, and our partner’s original distress is compounded by their sense of having been ignored or insulted, we take them to be ungrateful and cruel and vow never to attempt to be kind again.

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Friendship & Vulnerabili­ty

How do we get into good friendships?

What is behind randomly clicking with people?

Is it important to get good at something which may be at the heart of friendships…vulnerability?

Do we assume our strengths, accomplishments and things we are proud of draw others to us? Or do those just impress?

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