In Praise of Short-Term Love

One of the big assumptions of our times is that if love is real, it must by definition prove to be eternal. We equate genuine relationships with life-long relationships. We appear fundamentally unable to trust that a relationship could be at once sincere, meaningful and important – and yet at the same time fairly and guiltlessly limited in its duration.

A great many of the pleasures and virtues of relationships do only reveal themselves over time, once trust has been established and loyalty fully demonstrated. Not least, children always benefit.

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How to Help Those We Love

The impulse to help floats logically free of any actual ability to do so. Two people can long to be supportive and generous to one another and yet lack all the skills to deliver on their good intentions.

We cause ourselves trouble because we are too slow to recognize an odd, largely unmentioned phenomenon: how varied and particular our notions of help can be.

We take our own preferred style of being soothed as the natural starting point for how to soothe others – but when we are wrong, and our partner’s original distress is compounded by their sense of having been ignored or insulted, we take them to be ungrateful and cruel and vow never to attempt to be kind again.

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How Romanticism Ruined Love

Romanticism emerged as an ideology in Europe in the mid-eighteenth century in the minds of poets, artists and philosophers, and it has now conquered the world. No single relationship ever follows the Romantic template exactly, but its broad outlines are frequently present nevertheless – and might be summed up as follows:

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Are You Romantic or Classical?

The labels romantic and classical bring in to focus some of the central themes of our personalities and help to gain a clearer sense of who we and other people are.

Some of the things that divide romantic vs classical personalities:

1. Intuition vs analysis – romantics relish things that seem to slightly defy rational explanation…enthusiastic about feelings and wary of the intellect as a guide to life…one shouldnt always think too much…or probe a decision or mood too hard…they like instinct…one shouldnt always attempt to take apart emotions

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Stay in – or Leave – a Relationshi­p?

One of the most consequential and painful decision we make – what was your thought process throughout your relationships?

We expect to be deeply happy in love and wonder if our relationships are normal sexually and psychologically

What films, novels, friends relationship status, noise around dating apps and how much sleep we’ve had can all play large rolls in influencing us to stay or leave

It seems no one else really minds what we end up doing which gives decision existential loneliness but historically the choice was easier due to external pressures around not leaving. Religions, societal shame and psychologists would say children would be scarred.

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